- Me: I think it's awesome how much the fandoms influence the fans
- Mum: What do you mean?
- Me: Well the Sherlock fandom have become really intelligent, like give them a scene and they'll pick it apart and they've got so many fall theories it's unbelievable!
- Me: Then you've got the Doctor Who fandom, they're crazy and they bounce around like toddlers but hurt them or a brother fandom and they become downright scary.
- Me: And then the Supernatural Fandom look all tough and scary but they're softies underneath, and they're experts on all things that go bump in the night.
- Me: and th- Oh God!
- Mum: What?
- Me: Oh God!
- Mum: What!
- Me: The Hannibal Fandom.
I know there’s someone, somewhere. Someone who’s sure to find me soon. After the rain goes, there are rainbows. I’ll find my rainbow soon. Soon, it won’t be just pretend; soon, a happy ending. Love, can you hear me? If you’re near me, sing your song, sure and strong, and soon..
Really? Posting Facebook statuses about how I ruined his life and screwed him over when he gave me everything?
He gave me bruises, nightmares, and the inability to ever trust another man. And I was stupid enough to believe he did what he did out of love for me; that if I could just be better he would stop; that he wouldn’t hit me if I wouldn’t make silly choices.
And what he did give me is entirely outweighed by what he took away. My virginity. My confidence. My smile. My dreams. My senior year. I’m way too young to have learned this lesson. I’m 18, and I had so much ahead of me. And now I’m a ghost of the Jalissa that was.
And he has the gull to write about me on his page, and say that he gave me everything? Say he lost nothing of value, and that I was lucky to have had him?
The saddest thing is, I believed it. I truly believed he was much too good for me. He convinced me I wasn’t pretty, he wouldn’t let me sing anymore. I blew off an audition and a full ride scholarship for music, because he had me believing I wasn’t good enough.
I’m so angry. At him, at me. I’m so fed up. I don’t know it will get better, because I have lost the ability to trust. I’ve lost everything, most of all, I’ve lost me.